Q) When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

As a child, I had various dreams and the dreams changed many times. When I was a kid, I

wanted to be a lawyer or judge. When I went to middle school, my dream was to become a

singer. After I enrolled at high school, I wanted to be a classical guitar player. However, I

didn’t know how I could be a classical guitar player at that time. There’s no school for

classical guitar. I ended up entering a university and studied Chinese language and

literature. Luckily, I got a job related to my major as soon as I graduated school. I am pretty

happy with my current life even though I couldn’t make my dreams happen. Now I am still

growing up and I’d like to keep doing what I like to do without any hurdles. To make it

happen, I want to be wealthy as much as possible. That’s why I am studying money

management, investment and English. If I could be wealthy, I would love to take up those hobbies that I couldn’t.

​

첨삭 후 >>>>>>>>

​

As a child, I had various dreams that changed a lot. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a

lawyer or a judge. When I went to middle school, my dream was to become a singer. After I

enrolled in high school, I wanted to be a classical guitar player. However, I didn’t know how I

could be a classical guitar player at that time. There was no school for classical guitar. I

ended up entering a university and studying Chinese language and literature. Luckily, I got a

job related to my major as soon as I graduated. These days, I am pretty happy with my

current life even though I couldn’t make my dreams happen. Now I am still growing up and

I’d like to keep doing what I like without any hurdles. To make it happen, I want to be as

wealthy as possible. That’s why I am studying money management, investment and English.

If I were wealthy, I would love to take up those hobbies that I couldn’t.

​

Comments

​

Very nice writing.

Good job answering the question in the beginning of your essay. You used 'dreams' twice in the

first sentence. It's better to keep your sentence short and succinct if possible.

We enroll 'in' something.

"There's" means 'there is' so if we use the past tense, we should write it out, 'there was.'

Make sure our verb tenses match.

We can just say 'graduated,' we don't have to say we 'graduated school.'

"These days" helps the reader know you are transitioning from the past to the present.

"as something as possible" is a tricky grammar point, but it's worth practicing!

Overall, very nice writing! Keep working on it!